We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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