She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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