My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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