One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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