Your mouth is God's brothel.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
