Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
