she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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