Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
