When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
