Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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