Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
