Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
