Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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