So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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