I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize