shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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