i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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