Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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