so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Randomize
