Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And then my night got REAL pukey
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
