Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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