he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
