last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
