Sponge bath it is.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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