I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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