I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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