her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
