Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
