why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
