I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
