I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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