When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
