when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
