I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
tell me about the fingering
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
