There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize