I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
