Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
