Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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