The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
