So drunk its hurt
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
