Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have fence marks all over my body
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
