Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
