Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
