Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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