hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
