My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
