WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
