My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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