You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
