You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
