Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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