You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
