Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
