am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
