I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
