Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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