i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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