Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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