so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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