Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
