My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
