I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
