I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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