its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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