He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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