so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Drunk is not a location!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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