Don't you send me to vm
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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