I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize