it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
