We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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