wrigley field is MILF paradise
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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