The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
