dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
