Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
